What's a Name?
by DragonAgnstEvil
Summary: What happened in the short time Samus Aran had a pet Metroid? Does she miss the little scourge? Rated for images...not quite suited for children.


**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Metroid or any cannon characters or storylines. I do own any introduced (aka: new) characters and storylines. I also own my own lazy state-of-affairs and unusual sense of humor. I reserve the right to only put the disclaimer with the first chapter, but it carries over to all chapters henceforth. I also do not own your personality. You are to enjoy or not enjoy this at your leisure. I also reserve the right not to care that this story contains spoilers. In other words, you shouldn't read this if you don't know as much of the cannon story as I do.

* * *

** What's a Name?**

Samus Aran was a famous bounty hunter, to say the least. Her enemies feared her so much they took to simply calling her the Hunter, and '_the_' was often emphasized. She wasn't just any, old scourge of ne'er-do-wells. She was _the_ scourge of ne'er-do-wells. The Space Pirates had reason to fear her; though, they often tried to say they were 'tormenting' her at every turn.

Her thoughts always wandered over her exploits when she read _that_ particular personal record. What was she _thinking_ when she rescued that Metroid? Honestly, she was famous for _wiping out_ Metroids. Few knew she saved one, and fewer knew what was contained in that personal record. Idly, she tapped the playback function. Oh, memory lane could be fun sometimes.

* * *

_There was slight pause before the recording started._

Huh? …oh, it's on. Ah, this is Samus Aran reporting after the incident on Planet Zebes. Wait, I forgot the star date… Ah, forget it. I haven't gotten much sleep, and I'm filing this one away under 'weird' anyway. Oh, before I forget. Computer, log this in the deepest, dankest dungeon your storage bins have.

I'm keeping this record to watch the progress of the Metroid I have dubbed…

_There was a long, drawn out pause. Shuffling was heard in the background, and the sounds of glass or high-grade plastic was heard moving around. A loud 'sqree' signified a Metroid behind protective tubing._

Honestly, I need to give this thing a name. I was thinking of just calling it sqree like it always calls out, but it's just too attached to me. Probably thinks I'm its mother. Strange, I never thought they could be loyal like a dog. You know, maybe Rex, a common name for dogs a few millennia back, might suite it perfectly.

_There was another protracted pause, and Samus was heard shuddering through the recording._

No, scratch that. I had _too_ many bad images. I can't really believe I imagined this, but just think for a second. _What if_ I actually played a game like fetch, called out 'Rex' as the Metroid's name, and another dog responded? Well, the Metroid would have a nice, canine lunch.

_There was yet another pause as fingers rapped at a console._

You know what; I just made myself hungry.

_She sighed._

Rex is out of the question. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong.

_A loud crash filled the speakers with shattering glass, and a loud 'sqree' announced the freedom of a certain, strangely tame Metroid._

Hey! Wait, come back here! …mmph!

_After a few seconds of obvious struggling, Samus took a deep, needed breath. A loud 'sqree' announced a confused Metroid._

Ugh, Metroid kisses! I swear; this thing's too much like a teddy bear…

_A pause of realization created an unsteady silence._

I'll name you Teddy!

_The next pause is not silent as Samus nervously chuckled._

Nope…bad idea. I suddenly had images of some poor child calling out 'Teddy' to their stuffed bear and, well…not pretty.

_A languished sigh caused a small feedback in the speakers. Maybe somebody got to close to the microphone?_

I could always name it after a feature. Metroids are squishy, annoying, and…

_A surprisingly quiet 'sqree' was followed by a gentle 'plop' as something soft and squishy took residence on something hard and space-agey._

…cuddly? That's it! From now on, this Metroid is dubbed Cuddles!

_There was one, final pause before a sudden shuffling and loud feedback screeched the speakers. A 'sqree' announced an early departure from cuddle time._

To anybody listening to this, I am _not_ hard-up for a man!

_Somebody mumbled darkly in the background._

Computer, delete that.

* * *

Samus Aran tapped her fingers on the console. She really should get that computer brain checked. Instead of deleting what she asked it to, it stopped and _permanently _saved the recording. How long ago was that, now? She stopped counting the years. What was in a name, anyway? She missed Cuddles. He…She…_It_ died in a yet another fight against Mother Brain not five hours after that recording.

Samus Aran.

Famous Hunter.

Feared throughout the known universe.

She missed her Cuddles.

Yeah, that was _never_ getting out.

* * *

**WARNING:** A little late, but this is my worst fan-fiction...ever. I just don't do comedy well. You can blame this on an image a friend of mine showed me, literally. It was an image of a Metroid eaching a Choa, from _Sonic the Hedgehog_ if you don't know. Don't ask 'cause I don't know. I don't know if I was more indecisive about writing or publishing this one...

Read and Review, please. I need much help and constructive criticism with my...humor (if it can be called that...).


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